I spend all of my time stoned.
Quite honestly, I rarely smoke marijuana during the daytime. It tends to make me more sleepy and trust me, I don’t need any assistance with that.
No, I am more of an evening smoker. I like to watch silly TV and vegetate on the couch.
I once slipped on some black ice in front of a McDonald’s and gave myself an ouchie.
No, I wasn’t drunk, just full of french fries.
My friends thought it was hilarious, but damn did that hurt. I lack ass fat, it’s a family affliction.
I have always been a funny gal.
I wasn’t humorous as a small child, at least not at school. I was very shy and had a hard time making friends, because they thought I was a weirdo.
They were right, actually.
I used to pick my nose and eat my boogers.
What can I say, we were poor.
I miss my old job.
As much as I hate being unwell and unable to work, I do not miss having to wake up at the crack ass of dawn and driving 45 minutes (in good weather) just to spend my day with a bunch of asshats.
I never learned how to roller skate.
I could never get the fear of falling out of my mind long enough to learn this basic childhood skill. I admire anyone who can do it. It just ain’t right, having wheels for feet.
I can ride a bike, though. Well, probably not a good idea nowadays, but I’m sure I could if I needed to, say to get away from zombies or something dire like that.
I hope zombies enjoy the taste of McDonald’s.