I am a fan of Cracked, the humor site. I love the whole list concept they use. There is a little clickable link that says “Write for us!” I hemmed and hawed about it. Could little old me write humorous lists for fame and profit? Did I have what it takes to play with the big dogs? So yesterday, I signed up for the Cracked comedy workshop.
As usual, most things are not as they appear. You have to start your own thread with a pitch. Rules upon rules to follow. “We do not do satire, parody, personal opinion columns, character pieces or stories. Leave personal anecdotes out of it. So never say, “I was baffled by the Sopranos finale.” Always, “We were baffled.”
I was already shaking my head. My middle name is satire. (Actually, it’s Teresa.)
Once you start a pitch thread (my idea was 6 movie remakes that sucked ass), other wannabe writers can pick it apart. I felt bad for one guy, who had someone straight out tell him that his pitch sucked and wasn’t relevant. But hey, “That’s up to the editors, so stay loose, buddy!”
There are thousands of pitches, and only a handful of editors. You have a better chance of growing a marijuana plant in your backyard. They have the right to edit your shit, until it’s not even your article anymore. To me, the whole process sucks the joy out of writing. I was disappointed. It’s not in me to be fenced in, I suppose. I write something, I re-read it. Make sure there isn’t a bunch of typo’s, and my spelling and punctuation makes me appear to have had a college education. Then off it goes, to be read a few times, possibly a couple likes and a comment. Boom, done baby.
It might suck, but at least I know it’s mine.