I have never won a game of Jeopardy. Out of at least 300, if not more. My husband annihilate’s my ass, every time. Am I that unworldly? Did I nod off one too many times in class thinking about Kirk Cameron? More than likely.
Sometimes I get that false security, when some of the topics sound easy. Food. Begins with D. Animals. Rhymes with lime. These are things I can work with. Until they start going over my head, which really isn’t that hard to do.
There are 5 topics that strike me down like a co-workers bad breathe. In no particular order.
My husband throws me an evil bastard look when this comes up. He knows I have absolutely no knowledge, nor give a monkey rump. Babe Ruth. Joe DiMaggio, William “Ice Refrigerator” Perry. I know plenty of women who love sports, and good for you. Not me though. Stats and coaches, and injuries. I will be in the kitchen, making nacho’s.
I learned a sentence as a child to memorize the planets, but all I remember now is that Uranus means ass. My husband is very Sci-Fi, and loves spaceships and aliens. I believe in ghosts because I have experienced it personally. He claims to have seen UFO’s. Unless I see something I can’t believe it. So zero on planets, E.T., and Richard Dreyfus.
3. Math (Or related topics)
I struggled to get a C in Pre- Algebra. Yes, it really was that bad. I hate numbers.I know enough to get by, but once it starts getting cluttered, I freak out. Holy shit, I just realized that. I hate clutter. I have a phobia to math. I can add that to my list of diagnoses.
President Obama is president. Bill Clinton doesn’t inhale. Ok, I’m not that stupid. I learned most everything I know from School House Rock.
I put gas in, they drive. They break down, I tell someone. I try to fix it with money I don’t have. Sometimes they are shiny and pretty. I wish I knew all the parts and mechanics behind it. I know nothing, and that is where my expertise ends. My husband knows every model, every brand. By this point, I say screw it and go get a evening snack. There’s no way in hell I have a chance now. Why can’t they do a category on Things to mix with Vodka?