I have always been on the chubbier side, in a family of fairly thin people. It was obvious to me at a tender age that I was much more rolly polly than most of the other kids. I am sure it didn’t help matters that my uncle had a way with words, either.
“I can pinch an inch!!” he would say, his unwelcoming hand going in for a grab of my flab.
“You could be so pretty if you lost some weight. Then you could be a cheerleader and have a football player as a boyfriend. Wouldn’t you like that?”
I doubt he saw me flip him the bird behind my bowl of ice cream.
Cherry cordial, with just a squirt of chocolate syrup for good measure.
Little did my uncle realize that not all men find a curvy, fluffy woman unappealing and undesirable.
That is what I am. A little bit chunky. I would say I am a medium on the heat scale, too. I promise not to scald your tongue.
I have been full on chunky many times (pico de gallo), once almost weighing in at 280 lb’s many years ago. Now, I am no where even close to that. (And no, I will not betray the scale, I promised to keep it a secret. Shh.)
I carry all of my girth in my stomach. As soon as I start to lose weight, it begins to reduce in size, much like the Shrinky Dinks of yore. The rest of my body stays relatively the same, except for my face. It thins out and I have cheekbones, yet my damn chin stays intact.
I have given up the idea of awakening to find that it has magically disappeared, so I crop that shit.
Recently, I have been losing weight at a steady gallop, but mostly due to the fact that my appetite has seemed to have gone missing. I am sure it has much to do with the fibro and the fact that most food turns me off. Even the smell of some things make me instantly nauseous. (Not pregnant.) I rarely think of eating anymore. For the first time in my life, I give not a care about food. It is an odd feeling.
I do enjoy watching my waistline emerge after being in hiding the last couple of years. But I hope it doesn’t go entirely away.
What? you ask. Why would I want to actually keep some of my belly fat? Isn’t that why the weight loss industry is so meg-sized, because everyone wants to be skinny? We all crave to be fat-free, don’t we? No one wants to watch that jiggle, or see that wiggle.
For my health, yes, a slim down is a good thing. But I will never be a bikini model. I have accepted this fact and become one with it. It’s all good. What rib-cage? I know it’s in there somewhere.
I like being soft. I don’t want to give that up. Call me odd, or strange. You can even call me maybe. But I have grown attached to my plumpness, the slight slopes under my favorite Beatle’s T-shirt, the perfect arm rest when I type. You could even say that I am almost comfortable in my own body.