Everybody Have Fun Tonight

“When was the last time you had fun?” my new therapist asked me Tuesday.

I laughed. “Define fun, please.”

“Doing something that you enjoy,” she responded brightly. She always laughs at my little quips. She is the Pollyanna type, always perky with a smile on her face. The sort of person who usually irks the hell out of me, since I am the exact opposite.

“Well, I visited my oldest friend from high school for a cookout. That was nice. I went to my other friends house to listen to some Beatles music and chit chat for a couple of hours. I had my birthday party with my family. I ate some cake. Does that count?”

“Yes! Spending time with other people is almost as good as taking an antidepressant!”

Her pearly white teeth glimmered from the sunlight streaming through the window. I think I burned my retinas.

*Note to self, must bring sunglasses next time.

The idea of fun for some reason made me think of that time when I was 29 and got shitfaced drunk at a Halloween party and whipped off my bra. We were on the wrong page, obviously.

“You have to do things for you. You spend so much time taking care of other people that you forget about yourself and what your needs are.”

I took a pain pill last night for the first time since my suicide attempt. It was a proper dose, 7.5 milligrams. Just enough to take the edge off of the pain from my latest fibro flare. Then I smoked a little weed and melted into the couch to watch some stupid TV and zone out.

See? Fun. An introverts dream.

I don’t have the time or the energy to really spend much time with my limited social circle. Between driving the family around the town and resting because I feel like a piece of dog poo, it leaves little desire to actually go out and have “fun.”

My homework assignment is to have more fun. (Yes, she gives me homework.) In two weeks I have to report back to her and I have no idea how this is going to pan out.

I could possibly skip down the sidewalk on the way to the car. Buy myself a Hula Hoop. Go to a bar and see if I get hit on. Why, the possibilities are endless.

What do you do for fun?

Need a ride?

I think one of the first times I realized that life wasn’t fair was when my mom wouldn’t refill my sippy cup with lime Kool-Aid no matter how much I cried.

Yes, that was a long time ago. Ironically, I got sick off of that stuff once and have lost the taste for it. I much prefer cherry now.

My old man got into a car accident a few years ago and he didn’t have insurance. Yes, I know. Totally not cool. They took away his license. He had been driving anyways, (yet again, not cool) until my Kia broke down forever. I was able to get another vehicle with the help of some close family friends and the bit of money from my Gofundme that I did a few months back. We have decided that for him to continue to risk driving sans license would be a dumb shit thing to do. (Yay for responsibility!) We’ve had our fill of bad luck lately, thank you.

Oh yeah, one more thing. There is a $20,000.00 price tag on getting him reinstated.

So I am the only driver in the house. I have to take my husband and daughter back and forth to work. Like, pretty much every day, except Sunday’s.

I wish it were Sunday
‘Cause that’s my fun-day
My I don’t have to run-day

The Bangles

Um, this really sucks. I feel like a taxi driver. Plus, I really dislike driving. (Although I am a great driver and always insured.)

People out there are crazy! I get cut off constantly, pulled out in front of, passed by asshat speed-racers and don’t even get me started on the gas!

gas

That’s funny, I usually find that the washroom is occupied.

My daughter is saving up for a car and that will be happening soon, I hope. So that’ll be helpful. (Plus, she works late so I have to stay awake. Boo.)

I know that it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but it is hard for me because of the fibromylagia. There are days when I feel like absolute garbage as you all know. So, I am not a happy camper about this situation, but there is nothing that I can do about it.

Which brings us back to unfair. I wonder if lime Kool-Aid tastes better with vodka in it?