My name is Evil Squirrel… and I’m an introvert.
I don’t talk a lot about myself on my blog, because that’s not what my blog’s purpose is to me. I’m an entertainer at heart, and a wannabe attention ho. So you get my silly drawings and comics, flashbacks and old TV ads, lots of squirrel pictures, and all kinds of other nonsense I might feel like talking about… all wrapped up in my sarcastic, bizarre, crude, but ultimately fun loving sense of humor. I don’t post much about my personal life because, quite frankly, there really isn’t much to talk about. You would be bored to tears by a day in the life of this rodent.
And when I happen to mention that, out come the naysayers. Oh, I’m being too modest, or too hard on myself! I have such a fun personality on my blog, how can that possibly not translate into an exciting and entertaining real life?
Because introversion isn’t just a trait of my personality…. it’s a way of life for me.
From early on life, I didn’t socialize well with other kids. Somehow, I did make a best friend when I was in grade school, and we hung out a lot together when we were kids. But when I was 13, he stole my Dad’s baseball card collection, and that was that. I spent my high school years locked away in my home while everyone else was out living up the supposed best years of life. I napped after school, and stayed up late at night watching old reruns on Nick at Nite and those crazy commercials I like to roast every Tuesday. I was the epitome of the antisocial, loner kid.
I could have gone to college far away from home and rebooted my life, but the horrific thought of leaving my comfort zone never even allowed the crazy idea to enter my mind. So I attended locally, and went through the same routine as the previous four years…. to school for classes, then back home to hide away from it all. Needless to say, my non-outgoing and completely unadventurous personality also pretty much killed any prospect I had of getting a decent job on the coattails of my college education. Networking and connections? Face to face interviews? Bitch, please. Evil Squirrel don’t play that.
At school, it’s easy to just be a warm body if you so desire, or that’s just the way you are wired. It’s a bit harder in the land of employment. It took months to not feel totally uncomfortable at work, and really took several years before I finally began to seamlessly fit in. But I did finally find that comfort zone I so crave, and there are a number of people at Mecca who I’ve worked with long enough for my subconscious to snap open the lock that keeps that much warmer and fuzzier personality you see on my blog hidden away from the rest of the world.
But my life really isn’t all that different now than it was when I was in my completely reclusive teens. I go to work, come out of my shell a bit, then come home and… well, stay here. My outgoingness doesn’t extend much beyond a bowling night (on a family team, of course), the occasional ballgame (by myself, of course. Hey, you can get some good tickets when you only need one seat!), and several fast food stops a week. I have no friends I hang out with, unless you count the folks I hang out with virtually online. I don’t go to parties, even if I somehow were invited to one. I don’t get out of the house just to meet people… OMG, what a horrifying suggestion! Nope, it’s just me and my cats chilling out here in my squirrel’s nest with all my free time.
Some people might be totally bothered if they were like this…. trapped in a world of loneliness they can’t really do anything about while everyone else is out there having fun and making friends and relationships. But I came to terms with this a long time ago. I’ve learned to live with who I am, and am quite happy with my life. I consider myself extremely fortunate, because there are many people out there with much “better” lives who aren’t able to experience the same feeling of inner happiness as I am.
Being shut-in for so long allowed me plenty of time and a distraction-free environment to develop my imagination, which in turn has allowed me to better make people smile and laugh in my new virtual comfort zone. It also help keep my spirits up that I can be the real me here in front of my computer screen, where personal interaction (ICK!) and eye contact (double ICK!) are nonexistent, and my paralyzing fear of rejection can’t prevent me from being a social
squirrel butterfly. Even my overly cynical and pessimistic nature never keeps me from finding the silver linings of life.
So the next time you see my loveable characters I’ve created hanging out with their buddies, going off on wild and crazy adventures, or trying to pick up the cute squirrel in the bar… keep in mind that the person behind those critters isn’t drawing on any of those situations from personal experience. And that is why I keep most of what goes on in the real world of Evil Squirrel off of my blog, because it not only isn’t worth your time, but it isn’t even truly who I am. I like to identify more with the
fursona persona that you already get to see when I fire up my computer each day. It’s that squirrel who I really am, and it’s one of the main reasons I can be comfortable with who I actually am….
A big thanks to Merby for allowing me to guest post on her blog after winning her Beatles contest! This was my first time guest blogging anywhere… please be gentle!