When I was 2 years old, I flushed the entire contents of my Easter basket down the toilet.
My parents had gotten me a wonderful basket, filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies, which included jelly beans and maybe some Peeps.
My mom and dad had made a huge mistake that Easter morn. They had left me alone, unattended for a few minutes while they were basting the ham.
I wish I could tell you why. Try as I might, I cannot recall my mindset, and my mother didn’t have much info to offer on the incident, either.
“That was 38 years ago,” she had said, when I picked at her brain about what I now refer to as, “The Great Jelly Bean Fiasco of 76′.”
“Well, did I seem distraught, or was I happy? Laughing, like, hey! Look at me, I’m having fun!!” I pressed.
“I don’t know. You were shit out of luck, though. That was a nice basket that year,” she replied.
“Was anything salvageable?” I asked, hopefully.
“No, you flushed the toilet,” my mom laughed. “Like I said, you dumped all of it in. All was lost. It was complete carnage.”
I had clogged the toilet that day. Colored Easter grass and waterlogged Peeps had turned the liquid in the bowl into a lovely pastel slurry.
My chocolate bunny would never know how it felt to have its ears bitten off.
Happy Easter to everyone, and if you have a toddler…..keep an eye out.
Um, and in case you ever wondered, jelly beans do not float.