My husband came home yesterday from work and saw me sprawled out on the couch.
“Oh no!” he exclaimed, and rushed over to me. He knows the drill so well.
Every now and then I become literally useless due to the damned fibro fog and extreme fatigue. It is always accompanied by a low-grade fever, so I feel warm and flushed. I can’t even open my eyes sometimes. It takes all that I have to just get up and go upstairs to lie down. During my nippy naps on the sofa, an hour will fly by, and before I know it, I have lost 2-3 hours of my day.
Sometimes, Tom will make me some coffee, and after a few sips I might come back a little. Not often enough, though.
Conversation swirled around me. My daughter gave me a hug. There was talk of broken clarinets and a high mark on a Great Gatsby paper my daughter wrote for English class. (No wait, they call it Language Arts now.)
Baby B’s copy is waiting for me to read it. One of these days.
I listened the best I could, and mumbled my responses. We’ll get the clarinet fixed, and awesome job on the paper. (I had read it before she turned it in, and she is kinda funny like her old lady, go figure.)
I wish that I could have properly taken charge of the situation, but I just couldn’t. I can barely form a coherent thought when this shit comes down on me.
The house is clean, though. During the morning, I had some energy and more importantly, determination. I cleaned my kitchen, did the floors, loaded the dishwasher, vacuumed the living room and did a load of laundry, which mostly consisted of my lounge wear. I wrote a couple of blog posts, and also read some.
It’s hard to say what is worst, the pain, muscle spasms and weakness, the whole body twitches, the night sweats, or the dark tunnel I fall into when I am flaring for whatever reason. It can be brought on by stress, physically overdoing it, weather fluctuations, and breathing wrong.
I fear the fog.
I went to bed at 6:15 last night, an apology forming on my lips to my dear husband, whom I love so very much. Not many men would be so compassionate, and I realize just how lucky I really am.
“No apologies, baby. Just get some rest.”
I had to promise not to do jack shit today.
I feel like I am right on the edge of another cognitive melt down.