It has recently come to my attention that I am a bit of an unintentional dingbat.

I’m not saying that I am stupid. This has nothing to do with intelligence, although if we asked my ex asshat, he would beg to differ. He told me on a daily basis that I was a dumb ass bitch, who could do nothing right. I did believe it for a long time, which makes me sad.

But that was like, a long time ago, so screw him.

My current flakiness is brought on by my unwelcome friend fibro. I suffer from many different cognitive issues that gives the illusion of daftness.

I have some marbles rolling around in my head, in other words.

My words come out all janky, and then someone laughs at me because I’m so darned silly. At least I know what I meant to say. It’s all makes perfect sense in my head, until I try to communicate with another human being.

Other words used to describe my normal mindset include:

Spacecadet

Airhead

Zoned out

Stoned

ownworld

Honestly, I am not always under the influence of mind altering substances.

Nope, this is all natural, baby, just like my rack.

Last night, I told my darling daughter to get me a glass of drink, please and thank you. She looked at me quizzically.

What drink? she asked me, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what it was called. You know, I responded, that…um, raspberry stuph from Wyler’s? Yes, that’s it.

Then, I went into full detail as to how to prepare it for my consumption. The fruit of my loins then retorted with, really, no kidding?

Ah yes, young grasshopper. I have taught you the art of sarcasm. Now go forth and put to good use what you have learned.

I have the oddest need to explain myself all of the time, and it truly drives my offspring insane.

I find great joy annoying her, I admit.

My attention span is that of a 5-year-old. I lose interest quickly. I’m random as hell, and make up my own words when I can’t think of the right ones. This is very evident when I have to talk to someone of authority, which is why I try to do all of my bullshit online, whenever possible. My problems seem to manifest more fully when I am verbally speaking, which might be why I spend so much time on the computer.

Oh yeah, and boredom. What the fuck would I be doing with myself without the internet?

no_internet

 

Yum, a sandwich sounds great right now.

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