Lettuce makes any sandwich fancy.

Having a key chain addiction is bad for your starter, not to mention a huge, clunky clusterfuck.

Eating the recommended serving size of your favorite food sucks big wonga.


That skunk is more scared of you than you are of it. Run. Now.

You have 10 seconds to get out of my strawberry patch before I fuck you up. Fo shizzle.

The 5 second rule doesn’t apply if your food is moist.

I enjoy the calm after the storm rather than the calm before it, because then I can take off my rain slickers.

Admit it, you look before you flush. I do, and I am not ashamed. I have to make sure it will fit somehow.

If I smoke resin, I will get a headache. It might not give you one, though, so go for it.


A dropped ice-cube will melt and then you will slip and conk your head. Pick that shit up.


Your phone will ring. It will be a bill collector. Just let it go to voicemail.

If you run out of sanitary pads, a folded sock will do in a pinch.