By the early evening, I have to give in and take a multitude of chemicals and other scientific things that I can’t pronounce.

Let me explain in layman’s terms.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.

The pain, that is. I have no idea what Phil was feeling.

Well I remember, Mer. Don’t worry.

How could I ever forget?

I had some issues getting my monthly supply of pain pills. I had to make phone calls, which I loathe. It’s all settled now, but it made me realize just how much I depend on those bastards to take the edge off almost every evening.

Which reminds me, I am overdue for my weekly bottle-o-wine.

I try my hardest not to overindulge in the good stuff, so I don’t get “hooked” on drugs, be it my street grade pot or my manmade opiates.

Ohio is thinking about allowing medical marijuana, but until that day, I am thankful for what I get. I know my source, which is very important. But I would love to have a specific strain designed for what I need the most, pain relief. My only option to get my lungs on that is to move to Colorado.

They have snow there, and I don’t ski, baby. Can you imagine?

My doctor controls the amount of opiates I take, and in order for them to last a month, I need to break them in half. So, I get a half every evening, and I have to admit that my heart thuds a bit in anticipation.

Maybe that does make me hooked, after all.

I’ve been told that I have to do what I have to do so often, I am thinking of getting a tramp stamp of it.

I think about how to get more pain pills while I lay in bed. I could go to the ER and tell them I sprained my ankle again. They gave me Percocet back in 2009, no questions asked, before all of this craziness started.

I have two teeth that need pulled sooner rather than later. I bet they would give me some if I pouted. These are the thoughts that make me question myself. I like to say that it’s no big deal, that I could muddle on through without them.

I could, but I don’t wanna.