I swear constantly, all day long.

I bust out f-bombs like crazy, throw in a mother here and there, followed by a son of a bitch. I can’t pinpoint when this affliction started, but it’s been at least 20 years now.

Of course I only do it in front of proper company.

Doctor’s Office: Your appointment is scheduled today at 1:15pm.
Me: Yep, I’ll fucking be there, with bells on and shit.

I tone it down here on my blog, otherwise this is what you would be reading each day:

I fucking woke up to the sound of that damned woodpecker again. I hate that fucker so much. Knock knock!! Shut the hell up you asshole!

I’ve noticed that I cuss more often while under duress, stressed, or overly passionate about something. It makes me feel better, I suppose. Talking like a drunken sailor soothes my soul.

It also comes in handy when I stub my toe.

If I happen to smoke a doobie, it just amps it up. My mouth becomes a fountain of expletives.

I owe my colorful vocab to my mother and my best friend from high school. They taught me well.

My mom accepts my potty mouth now. In fact, we often swear together.

This wasn’t always the case.

I remember being in the car one time and accidentally saying “shit.” I must have been about 18 or so.

She gave me a dirty look and told me to watch it.

I’ll admit, I have become quite lazy about watching it in front of my daughter. That poor child has grown up listening to me saying such classic’s as, “for fuck sake!” and “dickhead.” Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, and she has yet to even drop a “crap” on me.

I told her recently that I bet she swears in front of her friends, but she claims that she doesn’t.

I call bullshit.

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