Dear Merbear,

This is embarrassing, but I am so constipated. It’s been 5 days! What can I do?


All Plugged Up

Dear All Plugged Up,

Make yourself a tasty Prune Juice Smoothie. Don’t knock it til you try it. I swear by the stuff myself.

Adding flowers and a sprig of mint makes it pretty and more appealing!

No, I’m just kidding.

Dear Merbear,

Is there such a thing as swearing too much?


Foul Mouth

Dear Foul Mouth,

No…I mean, fuck no.

Dear Merbear,

I have a bad habit of cracking my knuckles. What can I do?


Snap Crackle Pop

Dear Snap Crackle Pop,

Look at it this way, at least you don’t suck your thumb. Remember, it can always be worse.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the mood for a bowl of Rice Krispies for some reason.

Dear Merbear,

My doctor told me to eliminate stress in my life. Do you have any suggestions?


Anxiety Attack Mama

Dear Anxiety Attack Momma,

Haha!! That is hilarious.

I like to make myself a nice Xanax Smoothie and scream obscenities into a pillow.

Helpful Hint: Use a banana, they are full of fucking potassium.

Are you in need of my wise and wonderful advice?

If so, shoot me an email at or leave it in the comments below.

I will use it in a future Ask Merbear post!