The scene: the kitchen.

The time: early morning

I make the arduous journey to get my cup of coffee, and step right in a puddle of ice cold dog piss. My favorite pair of track pants (no, I don’t run track) soaks it up like a straw. There is nothing quite as disgusting as pee soaked pantaloons. I have to take them off, so now my legs are freezing. I have to be careful I don’t fall, dog piss is slippery when wet.

I catch a waft of pup urine emanating from my toes. Better wash up, where’s the damn bleach spray?

The scene: the living room carpet

The time: still early morning

My husband removed the towel I put down on the funky part of the living room carpet, the area where we all must pass in order to get to the kitchen. The puppy loves to take a leak right there, over and over. I got tired of stepping in it.


After asking why it was gone, I was told that the dog took yet another whiz on it.

Oh course she did. Fucking perfect.

The scene: my makeshift desk at the dining room table.

The time: you guessed it, early morning.

My nails are getting really long, so I keep messing up when I type. I have new chin hairs that seem to have sprung forth from my confused follicles overnight. I have three random zits on my middle aged face. I feel like, totally grody. To the max.

The scene: my calendar.

The time: October 8

Any day now.