Whenever my body decides to go into a flare, my mind seems to follow. Pain, dizziness and extreme fatigue (the three main evils of fibro for me) can cause me to turn into a raving harpy that is hellbent on passing the torture to all who come within my range.

People need to keep away from me for their own good.

When said body and mind are fully entrenched within a flare, the foulness of it all seeps into my dreams, fibro plaguing me even in rest. There is no escape, no refuge.

1. My ex is always lurking somewhere, although it might not look like him exactly. Last night, he was played by a frightening aquatic monster that wanted to eat my daughters soul. I spent my time trying to save her from him. Then he switched over to a cruel contractor that wanted me to build my home to his specific requests or face dire consequences.

2. I can’t wake up, or I keep dreaming that I am awake, only to find out that I am still lying in bed, unable to move. My body is overcome with tingles and I feel paralyzed.

3. Little makes sense. Trying to explain a daymare/nightmare to someone else is next to impossible. This happens even in normal dreams, but for some reason the overall strangeness amplifies when I am having a massive flare up. It is never just silly or goofy, it is always full of fear and pure terror.

My heart is racing.

I have a fever.

I feel repulsive, loathsome, vile and full of sickness.

My eyes burn and I can barely sit up to even type this. But I fear going back to sleep.

Advertisements