Instead of going outside in the freezing cold and getting trampled at Mecca so that I can buy my kid a nifty whateverthefuck, I’ve decided to sit my happy ass down in front of my laptop this Black Friday morning to finish off this post that my longtime buddy EvilSquirrel13 tagged me in.

I’m only doing it cause he promised me a sack of nuts for Christmas.

It’s called Holiday Touring, and the victim recipient of the invitation has to answer three questions posed by the nominator about how or if they celebrate the holiday that person chose… and then pick a different holiday, write three similar questions to ask about it, and present these questions to two different bloggers.

ES decided to pick National Squirrel Appreciation Day. I have an affinity for squirrels, so this shouldn’t be difficult.

Let’s begin.

1. In what ways do you appreciate squirrels?

I love them, man. They are so adorable and very intelligent. (Though why do they still think that they can get across the road?) I cheer them on, come on little guy, you can do it! Once they are firmly upon the grassy knoll do I finally breathe a sigh of relief.

2. Who is your favorite well-known real life or fictional squirrel, and why?

That’s easy.


Me!!! No wait…why, its Evil Squirrel. He’s a great guy, creative, artistic and funny. Also, he lets me give him a hearty smack when he’s being a smartass, which is quite often.

3. If National Squirrel Appreciation Day deservedly got the A-list holiday treatment that observances like Groundhog Day, St. Patrick’s Day and Valentine’s Day receive in American culture, in what ways do you think people would celebrate the day? What kind of customs and rituals would run rampant every January 21st?

I think that the price of acorns would go up. People would start climbing trees. Stores would be stocked with squirrel costumes the day after Christmas.

Then, people will hold hands and sing this song:

Grey squirrel, Grey squirrel! (Bounce up and down on the words, yay!)
Swish your bushy tail! (Shake it like a Polaroid picture.)
Grey squirrel, Grey squirrel!
Swish your bushy tail!
Put a nut between your toes (I said toes!!!)
Wrinkle up your little nose!
Now it’s my turn to pick a holiday.
National Weed Day, celebrated on 4/20. Here are my 3 questions for the two lucky people I am about to tag next.
1. How many nugs would you smoke on this holiday, if you partook in such a deplorable pastime?
2. Would you see unicorns prancing in the meadow, or something else?
3. What sort of marijuana edible would you make to celebrate this holiday, thereby fortifying the snack industry?
I pick Mental Mama and Goldfish, because I don’t think that I could ever make either one of them hate me.