I was reading a great post late last night from Nerd in the brain, about her being a generally happy person and it got me to thinking, which is often dangerous.

I do suffer greatly most of the time, because for some reason that continues to elude me, I have depression and fibromyalgia. I believe that I was born with both of them and over the years they have come into their own. I tell them both on a daily basis to leave me be, but sadly they are both persistent bastards.

My antidepressant helps. Yet, I continue to see things from this darkened perspective most of the time. Even as a kid.

I still do strive to be as happy as I can despite my predisposition. I do feel happiness. Muted often, but still possible. I try with all of my might to pick happy over despondent.



It just doesn’t come naturally to me, damn it.

One of my happiest memories was when my family and I went on a cruise many years ago. My cousin got us all a great deal and it was one hell of a happy time in my life. We had port of calls in Puerto Rico, St. Bart’s and St. Thomas. The fibro wasn’t severe yet. My daughter got some braids. The sun was beautiful, the water a crystal blue. I was with my loved ones. I ate escargot for the first (and last) time.

I stopped and hugged myself at one point on St. Bart’s. Bliss.

Happiness, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with intelligence. It has everything to do with how we perceive life. I know it personally helps me feel more cheery when someones is happy around me, be it in real life or online. My only pet peeve is having someone blow sunshine up my bum. I am rarely receptive to it.

If we all respected each other, our individual quirks and basic personalities, I think that the world would be a better place.

I laugh, I joke, I try to make people laugh, even if my sense of humor is caustic at times. I know that not everyone can relate to me and occasionally I might offend someone for the sake of dark comedy.

But I can step out from the darkness into the light. My smile can radiate through the murky clouds if I will it enough.