I might not be a fan of New Years Eve, but I don’t have anything against trying to start off the year with a few goals in mind. In years past, my list would have included quitting smoking, eating healthier and getting more exercise. (Sounds familiar, don’t they?)

I tried to quit smoking and ended up being a mega cranky bitch, coming close to smacking my husbands cranium in with my Kindle.

I tried to eat kale. I tried like really hard.

I am exercise intolerant. This really is a thing. Traditional exercise methods do me more harm than good.

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Even a nice brisk walk is out of the question for me, which I really miss, truth be told. I used to have a nice stride going.

I had the whole hip twitch thing down and everything.

My life has changed and so have my priorities. I came up with the following list while I was showering, after I used conditioner instead of shampoo. It took me a minute to realize that my hair wasn’t sudsing up like it should. Now, my hair is extra soft today.

I would let you feel it if I could.

My Goals For 2015

  • Ironically, I need to shower more often.

I’m just tired, shower-head. It’s nothing personal. If it makes you feel better, I do love you. Have you ever thought that perhaps I am embarrassed because it’s been a few days since I’ve seen you last? I’m gonna try harder to let you sprinkle water on me, k?

  • I need to focus more on doing the unpleasant things that I need to do, like go to my doctor appointments and shit like that.
  • I have an insane sweet tooth. Because of the diabetes, I need to learn to satisfy my craving for the bad stuffΒ with sugar-free desserts. It really has nothing to do with my weight. I’ve always been a big girl, anyways.

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  • Here’s the big one. I need to be nicer to myself. My inner dialogue can beΒ positively nasty.Β I have to keep in mind that I am only human and many days, I feel less than human. I hate when I am having a bad fatigue/pain day, because the chances of me getting anything accomplished is practically nil. This is usually when the voices start telling me that I am doomed, that no one gives a rats ass about me, that I am a whining little bitch that everyone hates. That nothing good will happen to me ever again.

My biggest goal is to not be miserable anymore. Maybe the best way to do that is to realize the truth.

I also need to learn not to be hurt when people don’t know how to act around me, in person and online. Silence on the topic of chronic conditions is the norm and many people have no idea how to react when I write or talk about it. I need to stop taking this so personally. If something doesn’t affect your life, it’s nearly impossible to fully understand it. All I know is, I am just like anyone else inside and I need to express myself, even if it isn’t pleasant.

I’d like to wish you all a Merry New Year. If you don’t feel like drinking tonight, let me know. I have something a bit more mellow for ya.

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