I stayed with my ex for just shy of 6 years, between the ages of 21 through 27. It took me 7 times before I left him for good. Next month will be my 13th anniversary. He was verbally, sexually and physically abusive.
Those are just the facts without any emotion behind them. It is easier for me not to dwell on it like I have in the past, because all it does is cause me harm. But now, he has made an unwelcome return, although not quite yet in physical form.
Our daughter will be turning 18 in less than 2 weeks. He won’t be at her party. We haven’t seen him since 2008, although she has discussed inviting him to her graduation in June. That is, if she can find him. She has 3 siblings, so I am sure that one of them knows where he lives.
I can’t tell her no, but I do have stipulations. First, he is not allowed to come near myself or my family. Second, he will not be invited to any grad party that we have for her. He may come to watch our child graduate and that is it.
Knowing him as I do, he will try to make contact with me, pretending to be this stand-up guy. He was always a great shit talker, someone who could engage virtually anyone in conversation with ease. He had me believing that he was a suave, charismatic guy at the age of 21. Sweet talking was his specialty and I am sure that he hasn’t changed much.
I haven’t missed him all of these years. His presence in my life added stress, anger and fear, even after I left him. He put the idea of collecting child support out of my mind with his wily ways, even turning the man at the agency onto his side. No reason to do it legally, he would give me weekly payments on his own, while I sat there saying nothing. I barely got a dime from him. I had wanted to believe his promises, what a fool I was.
I never went after him, although I probably should have. But, I was scared of him. I say was now, because there is nothing that he can do to me anymore. The threat of taking our daughter away from me is no longer valid. She is almost a legal adult now and the only place she is going is to college in the fall, no thanks to him.
I have raised her myself for 13 years, with the help of my mother, aunt and my husband. There is a part of me that is prideful of this fact. He was wrong when he said that I would end up nothing without him, crawling back on my hands and knees because I was a worthless bitch.
He is the one who is worthless, after all. I pray that he doesn’t come to our daughters graduation. I honestly don’t believe that he has earned that right.
Writing for me is a sort of self therapy and something that I have loved to do since I was young.
I write about many things such as fibromylagia, chronic pain and depression. Sometimes, I also make an attempt at being funny.