One thing that I have never gotten the hang of is peeing in a cup.

My doctor ordered fasting blood work to be done and she also needed a urine sample. The blood was no big deal, needles don’t bother me. But having to catch your own pee in a tiny plastic container is disgusting. Getting a stream going under pressure is never easy for me, even though I drank a cup of black coffee (yuck) and a tall glass of water before I left.

I sat there for a good 5 minutes before anything happened. I closed my eyes and pictured a waterfall, the sound of ocean waves. I started to chant, pee, pee, pee under my breath.

It worked.

I missed most of it though. In the end I was only able to gather less than a quarter cup. I really hope it was enough, but you can’t squeeze a tinkle out of a turnip.

I accidentally flushed the wipe down the toilet although the sign above the paper towels said not to. I was concerned that I was going to overflow the toilet due to my forgetfulness, but it went down with ease. Emergency averted, thank goodness.

And this is proof of just how exciting my life is.