It’s important for me to keep moving around, even though it hurts. The pain I feel is not actually doing any permanent damage to my body, although it sure does feel like it. I’ve already lost my arm muscles, when I flex there are no longer little bumps of strength like I used to have. You should see me try to lift a full gallon of milk. I have to use both hands. It’s actually somewhat freaky, how much my body has weakened in only a couple of years.
On a good day, I can walk upstairs without feeling like my legs will fall off. My hips feel like there is broken glass inside of them.
None of this stops me from exercising as much as I can. I force myself to do some housework, small things like wiping down the kitchen counters. (A pet peeve of mine.) I can still do laundry, I just take my time. In fact, everything that I do now is slow and my movements are calculated. It’s like I am a snail.
That is one lazy ass snail. And here I thought my three-hour naps were epic!
I won’t lie. It sucks. I hate being so weak. It affects every aspect of my life. Everything that I read on the topic tells me to talk about it, write it out, scream it from the rooftop. As if I could climb that high, but you know what I mean. It isn’t being obsessive, not when it is such a part of my life. It doesn’t define me as a human, but it is a huge chunk of who I am. Kinda hard to just shake it off when almost everything that I do causes such discomfort.
I have written about exercise before, I am sure of it. It keeps getting more difficult day by day to stay active. It would be so easy for me to give up, but I don’t want to lose what I still have. If I completely lazy out, I won’t even be able to lift the milk at all. I’m sorry, but my coffee depends on that ability.
Here is a list of exercises that would render me useless for a month:
Running (I would be wheezing anyways.)
Any kind of stepper machines. I used to have one and even back then that thing about killed me.
Weightlifting (Feel the burn? Yes, I do. Call 911.)
Walking (Within minutes I am limping. I can do short distances.)
Walking a tightrope.
Things are getting a little out of hand here, so I will take my leave.