When I was a young girl, I thought that boys had cooties. I had a special imaginary spray that I would pretend to douse the offending boy with, while making a “pfft” sound.


Sadly, they didn’t disappear like I had hoped. I had the perfect ratio of cootie spray, it came in a concentrated imaginary bottle, just add water. Maybe I didn’t do it right. I was expecting them to grab their throats and start coughing with my powerful anti-boy potion.

Nowadays, I think boys are usually cool enough, so I apologize to all that I tried to poison. Except for that one who teased me all of the time. I hope you fell into a hole and couldn’t get out, you big asshole jerk.