I’ve been taking my new med Latuda for a while and it seems to have chilled me out some. I was freaking out constantly before over little things. Although my anxiety is still ever-present, I feel a bit more in control of my facilities.

Yeah, it’s no fun feeling on the edge of a breakdown.

There are so many damn things to worry about, you know? I have my daughters school fees due or she won’t be allowed to graduate. I worry about my mother, my husband, myself, my friends. Each second that goes by without an issue isn’t ignored by me. I am thankful that most days, things are calm. But I am always waiting for a whammie because that is what happens in life. Nothing stays the same and in an instant, everything can go wrong in an epic fashion.

Having mental issues makes it all worse.

I have OCD and my newest plight is my furnace. It’s loud and I am positive that one of these days it will cease to work. When I hear it kick on, my gut instantly goes into churn mode. What the hell will I do if it croaks? I am poor. I have no extra emergency money for things that go kerplunk in the night. It’s cold outside and not normal cold either. This winter has been ridiculous. So all day long, I have this pit in my stomach because I can’t stop obsessing over the fate of my ancient furnace.

I firmly believe that no amount of medications will ever completely cure me of my issues. It’s just something that was handed down to me because of genetics and then living through some stressful experiences. I like to say that it is what it is, because it’s true. All I can do is continue to work through it day by day.

And swear profusely.