The first thing I do in the morning is grab a cup of coffee, sit down on my well-padded chair and turn on my laptop. I check my email which is usually filled with spam, go to Facebook (I am back on again, long story) and then head to WordPress to see what’s new and groovy.

My first cup of coffee goes down quickly. I linger a bit over the second cup. I light up a cigarette and take my first drag of the day. The house is quiet. My husband does what he does before he leaves for work. My daughter is already out the door most days. My dogs are sleeping or chewing on rawhide. The lamps are on, the air outside is still chilly and today I am having a low pain day. So far. My new bed helps me to get a decent nights sleep. I wake up now almost somewhat refreshed.

If you rewind a few years back, I would already be at work. Today I am thankful that I don’t have that crushing responsibility.

I know deep down that I would be fired within a week. Today might not be dreadful yet, but that can change in a matter of minutes. I could easily pull a muscle or become brain-dead and unable to do much more than stare at the wall with memories of what was. Today could be the worst day of it yet.

I feel a sense of loss. But at the same time, I am home and happy.