On May 14th, I’ll be on a plane headed to Georgia. A once in a lifetime trip for me, seeing as those I don’t have much money for travel. My best friend Cheryl invited me to go with her and a few of her friends some time ago. It doesn’t cost me more than an airplane ticket and some spending money. We are staying on a houseboat right on the water, close to the ocean. Which I love more than anything, just put me on a beach and I am blissfully happy.
As usual, I have anxiety.
First, I am nervous about meeting new people, even though I am sure that they are all wonderful. But my social anxiety amplifies when I am in any sort of group. I am exceedingly shy and awkward around others. Once you get to know me, I can talk your ear off though. But getting to that point is difficult. I am much more open here on my blog than in real life.
Secondly, I am concerned about my body. What if the plane ride sends me spiraling into a flare? I am so afraid that I will be in pain and exhausted. I know that I will have limitations like not going on shopping excursions and sightseeing. I want to feel as well as I can, so I have been stockpiling pain pills. I need to be able to take them while on this trip!
As the time draws closer, I am getting a bit more excited. I swear that I don’t understand my damn self sometimes. Here I am always complaining that I am bored, lonely and isolated. I have this awesome experience coming and all I can do is worry.
Tsk on me.
I want Cheryl to know how grateful I am to her for including me. I am. There would be no way that I could have gone without her help. She is truly a wonderful person and treats me like I am still just me. You all know how many friendships I have lost due to the depression and fibro. To have someone stick around alongside me is one of the greatest gifts that I have.
I know that I am being silly perhaps, but it is in my nature to freak out about the unknown.
I plan on making the best of it, smile like mad, be as friendly as humanly possible, wear sandals, get a tan and enjoy myself. Despite whatever obstacles get thrown at me. If I need to nap a day away, at least I will sense the water nearby. If I hurt, I will take a pill. I will drink some wine to loosen my tongue. (I’ll end up telling everyone that I love them in that case.)
As always, writing about it helps. I can do this. I deserve it, things have been so dark for me lately.
And I’ll have plenty of pictures to share here on my blog.