For the first time in quite awhile, I am the only one awake this morning. My dogs are snoring, my daughter is still in bed and my husband is sleeping in. I came downstairs and put on some coffee, opened my laptop and listened to the silence.

I’ve been going through some back pain the last few weeks. I am afraid that it is due to my new bed, which is comfortable while I am in it. The pain is located near my middle back and goes around my rib cage. It aches, feels weak and burns like fire. It also feels numb sometimes. It seems to get worse throughout the day. By the evening, I am ready to cry with frustration and pure disgust.

But I have things to do today so tough shit.

I can’t let it win. I keep pushing myself the best that I can. But damn.

Being in pain makes you grumpy. I lost my calm yesterday and had a bit of an outburst. My husband is constantly asking me if I am okay and I get annoyed. I know that he is just concerned and hates to see me hurting. But my answer is always the same. No dear, I feel like a turd smeared on a cracker. It isn’t going away.

I talk to my mom on the phone and she is so wonderful. I love her so much.

The weather has turned beautiful and I sit in the sunshine, hoping that it will make my body happy. But no, it never works. So much for feeling better in the warm weather.

I hate fibromylagia. It has stolen so much. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.