I’ve been doing nothing but sleeping since I got back home. Seriously. 13 hours here. 4 hours there. Another 11 and I am sure more to come this morning once my coffee wears off.
I did wake myself up long enough to see my shrink yesterday, who upped my Latuda and gave me a prescription for Ativan for anxiety. Nothing much else new really. She thinks that my depression is circumstantial more than chemical. I am also seeing a therapist next month.
It’s so funny to me that I see all of my doctors on a regular basis, yet nothing can really be done. They can’t fix me and give me my sense of humor back. This blog has been nothing but a bitching place for months now instead of a place to make people laugh.
Maybe I need to start drinking? I don’t know. I do like vodka.
I wish that I could take a trip back about 5 years ago and dig in my heels.
I know that I was short and sweet about my trip, but after talking to the shrink I have a better understanding of what I did wrong. Which was going. I am not well my friends and I am also one of the most introverted people that you will ever meet. Add those two things together and sharing a house with 5 strangers was a recipe for disaster. I tried so hard to be part of the group, but in the end it just didn’t work out well. I longed for solitude and felt awkward even though everyone was nice to me. My voice is so low it is easy to miss what I say.
You know, when I actually say something.
I also was unable to walk on the beach. A few steps and my legs started giving me misery. This really bummed me out. I cried. I also had to go to bed early almost every night because I was so tired. I ended up giving myself an awful flare and now am paying it back.
So I basically bit off more than I could chew and now I know not to do something like that again.
Have I mentioned how much I hate fibromyalgia?
Oh yeah. I have many times. I also hate ketchup, by the way. I know, weird huh?