Our beloved car died Thursday. The timing belt broke and ruined the engine. The repair is costly, as it would need to be completely replaced.

I was doing better, but the last couple of days has brought death thoughts again. I don’t want to get out of bed, or do anything. I just cry, want to disappear and feel sick to my stomach. I haven’t eaten barely at all.

Seriously, I thought that I was doing better, I really did. I am damn sick and tired of this mental sickness, this desire to self destruct. I don’t understand why it won’t go away. I’ve done everything in my power to get better and I am still stuck in this place.

The minutes feel like torture. The hours….they go by in agony.

I don’t even know why I bother to write anything. Seems pointless, just like my life is.