My car has broken down again, so my mom is taking me to my new therapist appointment this evening. She wanted me to write down my mental health history. I did and decided to share it here. I know, joy and shit huh? Nothing that I already haven’t shared at one point or another here over the course of my years blogging. But to purge my system of this garbage is the whole point, is it not?

It could be worse. It could be better. But these are the highlights of my life thus far and the awful things that have happened to me during these 40 years on this planet. They are not meant to cause pity, it’s just the facts.

*My dad had health problems the entire time I was growing up, causing me to worry constantly.

* My dad died in front of me at the age of 12 of a heart attack.

*I saw therapists throughout my teen years and was diagnosed with OCD.

*At the age of 19, I tried to kill myself by running a red light.

*I was date raped at age 19 as well.

*At the age of 23 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and given Prozac.

*I was in an abusive relationship from the ages of 22-27. I left him in 2002.

*In 2011, I had a severe bout of depression and went to a nearby lake with the idea of drowning myself. I called the hospital and went through outpatient, which helped for awhile.

*In 2014, I was having panic attacks, cutting myself, having rage attacks and started seeing a shrink.

*In 2015, I tried to kill myself twice by overdose. I stayed at the psych ward both times, but it did little to no good. I am currently taking new medications.

I had a few good years there with no major depression. When I started feeling myself getting bad, they tweaked my meds and I was good to go. For some reason now, this is not happening as quickly or as well as in the past.

Does mental illness just get worse as you age? I am starting to wonder.