My daughter should be getting ready to go away to college in 12 days, but she isn’t. She decided to stay home and work instead so that she can save up for a car. She told me the day after I got out of the hospital. She had a change of heart and didn’t want to stay on campus.

I asked her why, because that is all we heard about for months on end.

What if she didn’t like her roommates? She didn’t want to take out a student loan just so that she could live there, it seemed silly. She didn’t want to leave her dogs.

I told her that it was okay. I am always on her side when it comes to making her own decisions.

Then I asked her if it was because of me.

She nodded. Yes, a little. Not the only reason, but a fraction of it. She is worried.

Indeed so, it is time for a random swear.

She’s planning on still going hopefully in January and commuting. It would be a shame if she doesn’t. She is a smart girl and I would hate to see her not get an education. She’s got a nice little job as a cashier at a gourmet burger place, but I don’t want her working her ass off for little pay like I have had to do my entire life.

My guilt is somewhat heavy right now. If I hadn’t become ill and done what I did, would she still have decided not to go? I can’t say for sure, but I hate the fact that I have affected her choice in any way, shape or form.