I bought a giant lime green pillow for my couch today. I placed said pillow perfectly and it took a half hour before my American Bulldog Maya pulled it to the ground and laid down on it. Then she rolled around all batshit crazy and I swear she farted on it. Obviously she thinks that it is her giant pillow and not mine.

This thing is big. Like the size of a couch cushion. I bought it on a hopeful whim, because I know that everything that I bring into this house will more than likely be destroyed by Maya or adopted by her. She even chewed my swearing Minion’s feet off.


I love her, I truly do. But I wish she didn’t eat all of my stuff. She chewed the hell out of my Paul McCartney autobiography. I was severely pissed off. She’s ruined numerous loaves of bread that we forget to put away in the drawer. Papers, bills, (which is fine) advertisements, shoes, pencils, pens, my mouse-pad and most recently fried dough from an Italian street fair that was wrapped in two paper towels.

I bet that was fun to pass.

The thing is, we provide her with plenty of approved things to gnaw on. So I don’t get the fascination with no-no items.

That’s right mommy, Paul tasted so good!!!

Anyways, I hope she grows out of it. I’ve never had this problem with my other dog Maggie. The only thing she chews on is her dog food, bless her fuzzy little ass.

If you look really hard, you can see my halo.