One of two things happen when you clean up someone else’s vomit. Either you bond closer with them or the relationship crumbles.

Falling in the mud is both disgusting and exhilarating at the same time.

Deciding to stop taking your medications because you feel better is a dumb thing to do.

Oversleeping and having to rush around to get ready to go out sucks, but at least you got some extra sleep.

You can never overuse the word asshat.

We all have at least one vice.

When one problem fixes itself, another is there to take its place. Always.

When you think of something that you’ll want to remember later, write it down. Trust me on this.


Trying to get someone to realize that doing something is a waste of time is a waste of time.

When you firmly believe that nobody loves you, look in the mirror and make a funny face.

A voicemail will not delete itself.

If you were able to do a handstand as a kid, pat yourself on the back. Because you’re awesome.