“When was the last time you had fun?” my new therapist asked me Tuesday.

I laughed. “Define fun, please.”

“Doing something that you enjoy,” she responded brightly. She always laughs at my little quips. She is the Pollyanna type, always perky with a smile on her face. The sort of person who usually irks the hell out of me, since I am the exact opposite.

“Well, I visited my oldest friend from high school for a cookout. That was nice. I went to my other friends house to listen to some Beatles music and chit chat for a couple of hours. I had my birthday party with my family. I ate some cake. Does that count?”

“Yes! Spending time with other people is almost as good as taking an antidepressant!”

Her pearly white teeth glimmered from the sunlight streaming through the window. I think I burned my retinas.

*Note to self, must bring sunglasses next time.

TheΒ idea of fun for some reason made me think of that time when I was 29 and got shitfaced drunk at a Halloween party and whipped off my bra. We were on the wrong page, obviously.

“You have to do things for you. You spend so much time taking care of other people that you forget about yourself and what your needs are.”

I took a pain pill last night for the first time since my suicide attempt. It was a proper dose, 7.5 milligrams. Just enough to take the edge off of the pain from my latest fibro flare. Then I smoked a little weed and melted into the couch to watch some stupid TV and zone out.

See? Fun. An introverts dream.

I don’t have the time or the energy to really spend much time with my limited social circle. Between driving the family around the town and resting because I feel like a piece of dog poo, it leaves little desire to actually go out and have “fun.”

My homework assignment is to have more fun. (Yes, she gives me homework.) In two weeks I have to report back to her and I have no idea how this is going to pan out.

I could possibly skip down the sidewalk on the way to the car. Buy myself a Hula Hoop. Go to a bar and see if I get hit on. Why, the possibilities are endless.

What do you do for fun?

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