Mer: Oh magical, mystical genie, please grant me my three wishes!!

Genie: Make it snappy, I haven’t taken a shower in 1,000 years. I reek.

Mer: Okay, sure. Geez, this isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Let’s see….first, can you fix my central air?

Genie: But summer is almost over.

Mer: Tell that to my pool of cleavage sweat.

Genie: Sigh. As you wish.

Mer: Yay! I’m gonna make it snow up in this bitch!

Genie: Moving on….

Mer: Right. I want money, lots and lots of money! Pie in the sky is optional.

Genie: Sorry, but I’m tapped out right now.

Mer: What kind of genie are you?

Genie: A broke-ass one.

Mer: Well shit.

Genie: Yeah, I’m not overly powerful. I can do little things. How about a slightly used couch?

Mer: I’m sorry, but this isn’t what I expected.

Genie: Life’s a bitch, my dear. You want the couch or not?

Mer: Sure, I guess.

Genie: There you go. Don’t mind that small stain. You have one more wish.ย 

Mer: You sure you don’t have any money?

Genie: I got a $20, but I’m gonna need it back by next Friday.

Mer: I’ll take it.

Genie: Well, I better get going. Oh, by the way, here’s my card. Tell your friends.ย 

Mer: Wait, this couch is disgusting!

Genie: Sorry, all wishes are final.

Mer: Genie, you suck at your job.

Genie: Well, you didn’t rub me the right way.