I am awful at keeping schedules, but I’ve been meaning to bring back “So Lame Saturday” for a long time now. I can’t promise if it will be every week, though. There are days when I can barely form a coherent thought or sit up long enough at my laptop to write.

But today, let’s step inside the way back machine to 1988, when copious amounts of Aqua Net was killing the ozone because big hair was all the rage. I was a freshman in high school and wore a jean jacket. I had a girl mullet.


Today’s song comes via my husband, who has a wonderful memory when it comes to 80’s hair metal. He had asked me if I recalled the tune “Smooth Up In Ya” by The BulletBoys.

I wouldn’t let any of these dudes touch me with their 3 inch poles.

“There is no way a song like that exists!” I exclaimed.

Within seconds he had it pulled up on YouTube. I watched the video in shocked silence.

“Well shit.”

I must have missed this particular song somehow. So extremely lame. Still lame 27 years later.

Lameness doesn’t die, folks.

Yes, it means exactly what you think it does. How can you misconstrue something like “Smooth Up In Ya”?

The lyrics themselves leave little to the imagination and are not intelligent nor a turn on.


I know you really want to move me
You know I like to see you try
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
You’re not my type if you don’t give in

Looks like yours are hard to find
I ain’t got that kind of time

Oh I send shivers

Smooth up in ya
Smooth up in ya
(In ya)

You say I’m never gonna break ya
But we won’t know until we try
So now’s the time to make up your mind
I’ll never ever be the one woman kind

Don’t let your lovin’ go to waste
All it takes is just one TASTE

Oh, yuck. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.Β I much prefer the idea of pouring sugar on someone, all in the name of love.

Here’s the video, in case you have any desire to watch these nasty asshats strutting around gyrating their groins in the hopes of getting laid.

Do you have any lame songs that you’d like to see me rip a new one? It can be any genre. But remember, it has to be lame.