It’s been a few days since I’ve posted due to not feeling well (haha, right?) and getting some news that I am having a hard time absorbing. I’ll tell you about it, but first, let’s take a look at this weeks Throwback Thursday picture.

car show

This was at a car show in June of 2009, after I lost about 35 pounds. I was really proud of myself. My old workplace had a biggest loser sort of competition. My team came in second.

I’ve bounced back and forth over the years. For example, I’ve gained 20 pounds since the summer.

Damn you chocolate.

Eh, I’ve always been heavy and I probably always will be. I give no shits about letting the world see me in a full body shot, either.

ceiling

Okay, now that we’ve checked out this rad photo (the car is orange, you guys) I’ll let you in on what’s been messing with me the last few days.Β (List post ahead.)

I saw my new pain doctor on Monday.

He told me that I am too young to give up.

He wants me off of the pain meds. (Fuck!)

He wants to take a more holistic approach to treating my fibro.

He wants me to take something called alpha liponic acid to help with my pain.

And here’s the clincher…he wants me to start going to aqua therapy. I have an evaluation next week. It’s going to hurt. It’s not going to be easy.

This also means that I’m going to need to get a decent bathing suit and shave my legs.

leg hair

I’ll see him again in April. He wants to eventually do an MRI and might give me an epidural. At least he has a plan. The other doctors just shrugged after the medication they gave me didn’t work or ended up giving me bad side effects.

I’ll be honest, I’m scared to death. No more pain pills!! I still have weed, though. Yay?

Also, I’ve been depressed lately, fighting it with all that I have. But yesterday was a bad “suicide sounds good” day. I mean, leave me the fuck alone depression! Plus, I think the anxiety is making my tummy hurt.

I’ve been weepy and sad. I hate that.

I have a few days to prepare myself for this adventure.

I have to try.

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