How do you finally know when you’re a good parent?
When you spend a morning with your young adult daughter, and the both of you enjoy each others company.
How do you talk to a walrus?
You can’t, unless you happen to speak walrus.
How do you walk on hot coals?
Quickly. Or don’t, because it’s a stupid idea.
How do you break a bad habit?
Swear at it repeatedly in German.
How do you tell if you’re crazy?
If you’re asking, chances are you’re not.
How do you avoid stress?
Find yourself a cave, far away from civilization.
How do you stop your house from smelling like dog?
Put a clothespin on your nose, and breath through your mouth.
How do you accept the fact that you’re getting older?
Stop dying your hair, and be proud of every wrinkle that you own, because you have earned every damn one of them.