Guess who’s joining the ranks of the 40 Club today?

Alice!! That’s who!!

Don’t make fun of my meme, I was in a hurry.

I called her early this morning to sing happy birthday (sorry about that.)

And now, because turning 40 is such a great and wonderful thing (not really) I am going to do a short post on how to tell you are now officially middle-aged.

Pay attention Alice, this is important information.

  • That popping sound coming from your knee? Yeah, that’s normal.
  • Music may start to become way too loud for you and you’ll find yourself reaching to turn it down because old.
  • Young people will completely befuddle the fuck out of you.
Say Snapchat!
  • You’ll experience total face-palm moments when you realize that 80’s music is now considered oldies/classic rock.
  • The cashier at the store is now calling you ma’am (or sir.)
  • Starting a movie after 7 pm is insane.
  • You might find it comforting to put your hand inside your pants, like Al Bundy.


  • The eye doctor may recommend bifocals.
  • Taking a successful bowel movement may become the highlight of your day.
  • Prune juice sounds good to you for the first time ever in your life.
  • Get yourself a back/ass scratcher. Just trust me on this.
  • You’ll start calling everyone under the age of 40 “dear” and “hon.”
  • Getting carded is not a pain in the ass, it’s a damn compliment.

Welcome to the beginning of old age, Wonder Twin! Happy 40th!!