Guess who’s joining the ranks of the 40 Club today?
Alice!! That’s who!!
I called her early this morning to sing happy birthday (sorry about that.)
And now, because turning 40 is such a great and wonderful thing (not really) I am going to do a short post on how to tell you are now officially middle-aged.
Pay attention Alice, this is important information.
- That popping sound coming from your knee? Yeah, that’s normal.
- Music may start to become way too loud for you and you’ll find yourself reaching to turn it down because old.
- Young people will completely befuddle the fuck out of you.
- You’ll experience total face-palm moments when you realize that 80’s music is now considered oldies/classic rock.
- The cashier at the store is now calling you ma’am (or sir.)
- Starting a movie after 7 pm is insane.
- You might find it comforting to put your hand inside your pants, like Al Bundy.
- The eye doctor may recommend bifocals.
- Taking a successful bowel movement may become the highlight of your day.
- Prune juice sounds good to you for the first time ever in your life.
- Get yourself a back/ass scratcher. Just trust me on this.
- You’ll start calling everyone under the age of 40 “dear” and “hon.”
- Getting carded is not a pain in the ass, it’s a damn compliment.
Welcome to the beginning of old age, Wonder Twin! Happy 40th!!