Our old television is having issues turning on.

One day, it would take 10 clicks, on and off.

The next day, maybe 20. The most was 40, before it finally gave us the gift of its glowing presence. We’ve had it for about 4 years, a nice 39 inch Vizio.

My husband and I decided to buy a new one, but not exactly new because we are poor. What does a poor person do when they need something that usually costs a pretty penny?

They go to Craigslist.

My husband sold one of his guitars and used a portion of his vacation bonus. On the search he went for a come-up.

Macklemore, the spokesman for buying used shit.

“Hey Mer, come check this out! A 55 inch Sony smart TV for $175!”

“What’s wrong with it?” Ain’t I jaded?

“According to the guy, nothing. His wife’s aunt passed away. She was a hoarder. Just trying to get rid of it.”

So we got in the car (used of course) and went to go take a look at this supposedly great deal.

When we pulled up, the dude had the TV on the porch, plugged in. How odd. I stayed in the car and let my husband do the deal.

First warning that something was amiss, no entry to the house.

“Why don’t we take the base off, it will fit in the car better,” my husband told the asshole.

“No, no…it’s fine, we can get it in, no problem,” he insisted.

Second warning. That’s where the little fuckers (roaches) were congregating. If we had taken off the base, we would have seen them and driven out of there like a bat out of hell.

We brought our new (to us) big ass TV home, set it up, oohing in amazement at the mere size of this baby. We could see the nose-hairs of the news anchor, sweat beads on his forehead.


A far cry from my own first TV, a 13 inch black and white I got after I made my First Communion.

At least it was new.


We watched two movies. The happiness in our small living room was palpable. We totally scored, man. I came close to doing a happy dance, the dance of the ginormous HD TV.

Until my husband noticed a roach crawling on our wall.

“What the fuck? Is that a roach? Holy shit!!” he bellowed.

“Get it out of the house!!!” I screamed instantly.

To the back patio it went. My husband called the son of a bitch who sold us this roach filled TV.

Oh, he claimed he had no idea. Of course he would come the next day and pick it up, giving us our money back. $175 doesn’t come easy to us. We were still naive enough to believe this piece of slime.

The next morning Tom called the guy, but his number was disconnected.


May karma bite this man on his scrotum.

We bug bombed the TV under a tarp yesterday. Even that didn’t kill them all!!!

I recommended a stick of dynamite, but got the evil eye from my husband.

We’re hoping that we got it out of the house before it started up an infestation. We are both scanning the walls and carpet. We got a referral to my brother-in-laws friend, Terry the Bug Guy, if needed.

Meanwhile, my husband is doing his best to rid Ernesto of the roaches. He doesn’t want to trash the TV and lose the money we paid. Understandably.

Yes, I did name the TV. (My sense of humor saves me from going absolutely batshit insane.)

But I won’t let this thing back in my house until I am 100% certain that it is free and clear of roaches.

I took a pain pill and bleached the hell out of my kitchen, half bath and laundry room. I washed my floors like a woman obsessed.

Can you blame me? Spiders, ants, the occasional fly that gets in when you open the door, I can handle them.

But not roaches, man. No can fucking do.

If a deal seems to good to be true, it usually is. There are many assholes out there willing to lie in order to make a quick buck off of some smuck (us.) How this man can sleep at night is beyond me.

Our days of buying items off of Craigslist is over. If Tom does end up saving Ernesto, I will be amazed.

But I have to give credit to my husband for doing everything in his power to eradicate these little dirty, disgusting asshats.

What a grand way to spend your summer vacation from work!