As my daughter would say, it’s hotter than Satan’s butt-hole outside.

I would say asshole because it just sounds better, but my kid doesn’t swear. I even verified this with one of her friends. Amazing having grown up with me as her mother, which proves that miracles do indeed happen.

I’ve wished for snow a few times and contemplated climbing into my freezer. (I would park myself right next to the bag of chicken breasts and the box of Popsicle’s.)

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I’m freezing my bunny ass off, be jealous.

We have a window unit AC to cool the living room, but it’s struggling to keep up with the intense humidity pulverizing Northeast Ohio right now. At this moment, it is 80 degrees in here, with two fans blowing the slightly chilled air around.

Not quite bad enough to produce boob sweat, but close.

My electric bill is going to make me weep next month, but I’m not going to think about that right now. The trick is to pretend that everything is free in this world, you see.

(I know that’s bullshit, but let me live in my little fantasy world, okay? Don’t tinkle in my cornflakes.)

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Not exactly the direction I was going in, but it works.

I haven’t even wanted to go to the swimming pool, because it is overcrowded with, you know, just people in general. I bet you the pocket lint in my wallet that someone has peed in there at least once already today. I myself would never do such a thing.

I use a toilet, thank you. I’m classy.

I really am not a fan of hot weather. How do people who live in notoriously hot climates deal with it? It’s dreadful outside, you guys. If you don’t have central air, you are literally up shit creek without a paddle.

Tell me, do you like humid, tropical weather or do you hate it as much as me?

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