I’m not really sure why, but my muscles are twitching, locking up and I’m having back spasms today. But if I take another muscle relaxer, I will conk out.
So be it. One of the worst symptoms of fibro is when the muscles go apeshit for no reason whatsoever.
I haven’t really talked about fibromyalgia in a long while, but it doesn’t mean that it has gone away. (Don’t I wish!) I just haven’t wanted to dwell, it only makes me sad and angry. But to be true to what this blog is really about (Knocked over by a Feather is named just that for a reason) I need to occasionally talk about depression and fibro. The two go hand in hand, skipping merrily, holding aching hands.
One thing that I am working on with my therapist is not being angry anymore about my circumstances. You know, that elusive bastard, acceptance.
But I’m not going for something out of a far-fetched fairy tale, for example:
“A snowflake whispered in my ear that everything will be okay. Then the orchids said that they loved me and we danced together in the moonlight on a warm summers night.”
I just want to make the best out of what has been handed to me. I just want peace of mind, to be able to come to terms with the fact that I am one of the 2-4% of people in the States to have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia.
One of the hardest things is re-imaging yourself, taking the broken parts and then replacing them, adding new software, so to speak. This can take some time. Actually, it’s a lifelong process when you are chronically ill, because things are always changing.
What will I do with myself now? Who am I? When will I find my place in the world again?
I know, deep thoughts for a Tuesday morning. (It’s Tuesday, right?)
I’m sure that I’ll figure it out eventually. Something will click and I will find something to give me a sense of purpose again.
Until then, I’ll just keep bopping on down the road of life.