“Wow, you’re feisty today,” my therapist said Saturday morning.
“Sorry,” I replied. “I’m not angry at you, just at the fucking situation.”
“I’d rather see you feisty than flat,” she said wisely.
I put my hands in my lap, trying to still the hand gestures that manifest when I get riled up, the small part of me that’s Italian coming out.
“Why did you cancel your doctor appointment?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “What’s the fucking point?”
“He’s the doctor that you chose to handle your health care.”
“The fibro has been getting worse and he can’t do a damn thing for me that he isn’t already doing. I’m tired of dealing with it all. I’m only 42. I feel like…this is so totally unfair.”
“You feel like you don’t have any control over anything anymore.”
“Yes! I don’t have control at all. I hate it.”
“You’re a control freak.”
I laughed. “Yes, always have been.”
“We need to find a way for you to get some power back. But you really need to reschedule your doctor appointment.”
“Okay. I don’t want to, but I will.”
I overdid it this weekend and I am paying the consequences. This is a spoonies life. My muscles are weak, spasms everywhere, the pain coming in waves and I am exhausted.
I had something new happen last night as I finished up dinner, suddenly my vision got really blurry. I made my way to the loveseat and asked my husband to take over before I fainted or some bullshit.
It’s difficult to tell if something is seriously wrong or if it’s just because of the fibro, in which case, tough noogies.
It seems like my symptoms have been getting worse the last few months. It takes less to kick my ass now and more time to recuperate.
I’m scared of how fast things are progressing.
I don’t want to be a total downer, so I’m going to answer a few Creepy Questions To Get To Know Someone’s Dark Side that I found here.
There are 39 questions, but I’m only going to do 10 because many of them are extremely morbid, I have no clue how to answer most of them and I’m tuckered out.
1. Would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?
I would rather know what’s going to do me in. I personally believe that it’s going to be heart related. It runs in the family, plus I already have high blood pressure and cholesterol.
2. Which serial killer do you find the most fascinating?
Charles Manson. I am kind of an amatuer expert when it comes to him and The Family. After years of reading books and watching documentaries, I am still befuddled as to how he was able brainwash those people enough to commit such gruesome murders.
3. Would you ever stay the night in an abandoned house that everyone claims is haunted?
Fuck no. No way, man.
4. What would you do to defend yourself if someone broke into your house?
Let my dogs eat them.
5. If aliens came to earth, would you want us to welcome them or kill them?
Beam me up, Scotty.
6. Have you ever tried to contact a spirit with an Ouija Board?
A couple of times. Those things are evil, I’m telling you. EVIL.
7. Have you ever seen a ghost, a spaceship, or anything else you couldn’t rationally explain?
I have never actually seen anything, but I have felt things before. I’ve also had my father do little odd things over the years to say hello.
I’ve never seen a spaceship or anything in the sky, which bums me out.
8. If you killed someone, how would you get rid of the body?
I would bury them under a cherry tree, I guess.
9. If there’s a hell, do you think you’re going there?
I hope not, I hate heat and humidity.
Seriously though, I doubt it. I’m no saint, but I’m basically a nice person.
10. Would you rather have an arm hacked off or a leg?
What kind of question is this???
My arm, obviously. Duh.