“Sometimes I think about being a nicer person, but I’d rather be a unicorn.”

-Cashier at the convenient store by my house

“Holy shit, where are all of these people coming from?”

-Cashier at my drug store

“I’m not afraid of your dogs, they just caught me off-guard. Thankfully I have a change of underwear in the car.”

-Pizza delivery man

“Hmm, your blood pressure is really high. It’s not like I’m coming at you with a knife or something.”

-Nurse at my doctor’s office

“No, honey! No! Stop that, please! Put that down, sweetie. I’m so glad that I got my fucking tubes tied.”

-Worn out mother behind me in line at the grocery store

One of these quotes are real. Can you guess which one?