My doctor appointment is Friday and I’m already rehearsing what I’m going to say.

“Um, hello, doctor. Things have been getting worse lately. Can I have some more pain medication? I promise not to abuse them. Also, can I please have some bloodwork done? Maybe there is something else wrong with me? Can we take a gander? Thanks.”

Does anyone else do this? I get really anxious when I talk to the doctor or anyone of authority.

I don’t really want it to be something else but I think that it’s time to take a closer look again.

It’s beyond frustrating trying to be assertive without sounding aggressive. I am at my wit’s end with this damn fibro.

I know that he believes me on some level but he has no idea what to do for me. At least he has some empathy, which my old doctor lacked.

Or remember that classic from the pain management doc, “You’re too young to have chronic pain.”

What the everloving fuck? Excuse Moi, but I had no idea that age had anything to do with it.

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What can I say? It’s a talent.

42 is no spring chicken, ya giant butthead. That comment really frosted my flakes.

The reality is chronic pain kills. The suicide rate for people that suffer from chronic pain is off of the charts. I’ve admitted to my therapist that I can’t promise I won’t make an exit once I’ve had enough of this shit someday.

She didn’t flip out. I knew she wouldn’t.

I think that it’s my right to hold onto this little chestnut, to put it into my breadbox for future use.

I keep thinking that I have this acceptance thing down only to get sideswiped once again with a bad case of the “this ain’t over yet you bully bastard disease from hell.”

So, for now, I keep trying.

Maybe I could write a letter to him since I find it easier to express myself through the written word.

What do you think?

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