I’m endlessly searching for a substance that will make me feel like a “healthy” human being once again. The internet and I work tirelessly together, researching things that I can’t pronounce correctly. Ironically, the one thing that helps me the most is damn near impossible to come by right now.

Marijuana should be legalized and be simple to purchase, like a pack of lethal cigarettes, in this chronic pain warriors opinion. Don’t even get me started. I become fucking obsessed with it, how do I get some weed?

Ohio has until September of 2018 to set up medical marijuana, so it looks like I have a long wait ahead of me. I don’t know any “cool” people, I’m not 18 anymore.

Not to mention that it’s still widely frowned upon to discuss in polite company.

What the actual fuck? No wonder most people still get all hush-hush about pot.

I feel like a naughty schoolgirl who got caught with her knickers down when I take a narcotic to relieve my pain. I would honestly trade all of the pills that I have for a bag full of good ganja.

Moving on. Rant over.

I’ll have some wine a couple of nights a week, but my therapist doesn’t like this new habit of mine at all. She says that the alcohol will screw with my antidepressants.

I know that she’s right, of course. Sigh.

I’ve tried something called Wild Dagga, an African flower. It gives me a headache and smells like shit when you smoke it. The tea is disgusting. I don’t care for it much at all.

I’ve tried something called Blue Lotus, which is also a flower. You can make a pleasant enough tea with it. It’s not too bad if you can’t sleep, but it does nothing for pain relief.

I was really digging Tianeptine for a while, but it’s crazy expensive and tastes like burning.

Poor kid.
Perhaps you’ve heard of Kratom, which I first tried back in 2014. It’s now banned in a few states, but not Ohio. Not yet, anyway. I’m sure that it will be eventually. It’s a plant that mainly grows in Thailand. Once the leaves are dried, they get ground into a powder. It has the worst taste (bitter) and isn’t water-soluble.

But it works. I just purchased a small bit yesterday so that I can stretch out the allotted amount of hydrocodone that I have each month. I’m going to mix the powder with honey and make some little balls to pop into my mouth.

(Admit it, you laughed.)

Yes, my dear friends, I am a human guinea pig.

Would you try some of these alternatives to modern medicine or would you be afraid?

(Again, I do some major research before I try anything.)