I’m no good at talking dirty.

Well, that’s not entirely true. If I’m really drunk, I lose all of my inhibitions. That’s the main reason why people drink, is it not? It loosens our tongues (and sometimes other things) and turns us into the polar opposites of our usual sober selves.

When I’m really sauced, I could make the most macho-est of men blush like a virgin.

I said could. I could make a macho man blush, if I had the inclination to do so. But I’m really much too old for that sort of thing now.

Anyways, enough about me and my dirty drunken gutter mouth. Let’s get on with the show.

Back in 1986, the glam rock band Poison released their debut album “Look What The Cat Dragged In.” Their first international single off of the album was “Talk Dirty To Me,” which hit the ground running in 1987, officially making parents everywhere cry for their children’s lost innocence.

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Maybe they were born with it? Or maybe it’s Maybelline.ย 

 

I’ve always blamed Poison for The Eyeliner Disaster of 1987. (I slipped, poked myself in the eye and ended up with conjunctivitis.)

I was just a mere child when this song hit the airwaves, but that didn’t keep me from learning the lyrics and singing them at the top of my lungs. It was raunchy, it was shocking and oh my goodness, so confusingly titillating.

It also made my budding hormones wonder what talking dirty meant. What the fuck were they getting all excited about? I needed details and there was no internet back then to find out.

Speaking of the internet, I recently found a great cover of this song by a band namedย Jughead’s Revenge.

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He’ll talk dirty to you on Tuesday for a hamburger today.

 

Jughead’s Revenge is an American punk rock band that actually started way back in the 80’s themselves. They disbanded in 2001 due to a lawsuit with Archie Comics (ha!), but in 2009 they reunited, thus recording this song for our listening pleasure.

It’s actually pretty damn good, maybe even better than the original. At least I think so. Please let me know what you think in the comments.

Talk Dirty To Me Cover by Jughead’s Revenge 2011

Original Version by Poison 1986 ย 

Written by Bobby Dall, Bret Michaels, Bruce Anthony Johannesson, Rikki Rocket

You know I never, I’ve never seen you look so good
You never act the way you should
But I like it
And I know you like it too
The way that I want you
I’ve gotta have you
Oh yes I do
I never, I never ever stay out late
You know that I can hardly wait
Just to see you
And I know you cannot wait
Wait to see me too
I’ve got to touch you
Cause baby we’ll be

At the drive in
In the old man’s Ford
Behind the bushes
Til I’m screamin’ for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me!

You know I call you, I call you on the telephone
I’m only hopin’ that you’re home
So I can hear you
When you say those words to me
And whisper so softly
I’ve gotta hear you
Cause baby we’ll be

At the drive in
In the old man’s Ford
Behind the bushes
Til I’m screamin’ for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me!

Joey, pick up your guitar, and-a-talk to me, yeah

Cause baby we’ll be

At the drive in
In the old man’s Ford
Behind them bushes
Til I’m screamin’ for more, more, more!
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby, talk dirty to me, yeah
And baby, talk dirty to me yeah
And baby
Talk dirty to me

Uh!
Woo!

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