The F key on my laptop is sticking.


I mean fuck.

Every time I turn this bad boy on, I give a little prayer that it won’t blow up or something equally ucking awful.

A few months back, I purchased what was basically a tablet with a tiny keyboard attached at Mecca. I absolutely hated it, so a couple of days later I brought it back for a full refund. I took a ganderΒ at the real laptops that they had, but I couldn’t afford to buy one because I am as poor as a church mouse.

I’m allowed to use jokes like this, I’m a defunct Catholic.

I got that saying from my mom, by the way. I am slowly turning into my mother. Which isn’t a bad thing, she’s like my favorite person in the world.

Aw, someone play some sappy music.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in life by being poor, it’s that you can Mickey Mouse almost anything to give it an extra few uses before you have to admit defeat and replace it.

I always have a roll of duct tape in the house. Gorilla Glue is truly a miracle. Shit, I’ve even used bubble gum to fix a broken whatchamacallit a few times.

When I was a kid, the knob that controlled the volume on our TV broke off. I’m not sure whose idea it was, but soon one of my fake Barbie’s rubber arms took its place.

When the arm was up, the volume was up.

When the arm was down, the volume was down.

I really wish that I had a picture to show you of this ingenious idea, but I’m too broke to own a time machine and set it back to 1982.

There was nothing else wrong with our television, so why bother to go out and spend money on a new one? Who cared that we used an arm to change the volume? If anything, it made a great conversation piece.

Random Visitor: Is that a Barbie doll arm on your television?

My Mom: Why yes. It most certainly is!Β 

My parents knew how to live the poor life and I learned how by watching them.

My laptop will remain with me until it sighs its last microchip or whatever the hell it has inside of it that makes it do what it does. (I’m not a scientist or a tech person, you guys.)

Have you ever used bubble gum to fix something before or am I just a ucking weirdo?

Sorry again. Fucking weirdo.