I was planning on posting a video today but I didn’t like the way that I sounded. Each spring I lose my voice because…I really have no clue. I thought that maybe it wouldn’t happen this year because the big bad cigarette is no longer in my life.
Alas, I was mistaken.
Since my plans were dashed due to laryngitis, I’m going to do a rerun of an old post from my early blogging days.
Rerun was the first person to make rainbow suspenders cool.
My Top 7 Childhood Fails
1. Accidentally stripping down to my underwear in front of my entire 1st grade class while changing for gym. (We wore our P.E. clothes under our uniforms.) Thankfully, none of the boys tried to stick dollar bills down my panties.
2. Adding Peach Schnapps to my Kool-Aid on Thanksgiving, then hiding in the basement to drink it. I learned early on that hangovers fucking suck.
3. Helping my cousin siphon gas from a lawnmower with our mouths. Luckily for me, he was the one who was sucking when it finally worked.
4. Farting in the presence of a priest. He gave me an extra Hail Mary for stinking up the confessional.
5. Deciding to give myself a hair cut and chopping off all of my bangs. You could have shown a movie on my forehead.
6. Believing an older neighborhood girl who said that her nail polish was really lipstick. As it started to dry and then peel, my skin went along with it.
7. I walked in on my dad while he was taking a tinkle. Months later, I would do the same thing to my uncle. I can still hear the steady stream of urine as they each turned to stare at me in horrified shock.
Have a fail-free Friday and remember to lock the bathroom door before you use the potty.