I was planning on paying for my best friend Cheryl’s birthday lunch yesterday. We mentioned her special day to our waitress friend Lisa and she ended up not charging us for Cheryl’s lunch or our macaroni and cheese bites appetizer.

Deep fried macaroni and cheese. Think about that for a minute.

You have a little drool…here, let me sop that up for you real quick.

Lisa talked me into ordering a local IPA (India Pale Ale is a hop-filled Indian beer) and after I got home, I decided to take a quick little nap.

Quick little nap my ass.

Eating like a pig and then having one measly beer is enough to knock me the fuck out for three hours.

I just can’t hang anymore.

When I woke up, I was so discombobulated that I wasn’t sure what year it was. I was shivering and felt like a well-used spittoon.

Please Mr. Cowboy guy, no more!! I’m already full.

This is what I like to call a hard nap.

I set upon the challenging task of making myself feel somewhat human again. I wrapped my softest blanket around my achy body, took two Tramadol, smoked a bowl, poured a giant glass of ice water and then sat down in front of my laptop to do some writing.

I don’t think that the beer is worth it anymore. I must stay strong and not fall under waitress peer pressure.

But I am totally ordering those delectable carbohydrate packed macaroni and cheese bites again next week.

They are so worth a hard nap and I don’t care about having back fat anymore.