That girl is pretty wild now
The girl’s a super freak
The kind of girl you read about
In the new wave magazines. – Super Freak by Rick James
My wild, super freaky days are far behind me now.
Yes, I once considered myself pretty freaky back in my youth. I’ve done some things that I am not exactly proud of. I’m actually really hesitant about sharing most of it, even though I know you guys don’t judge me. (Or if you do, you keep it to yourselves.)
I’m going to make this a list post, because I love lists. It also will not be lurid, since this is a PG-13 blog.
Freaky Shit I’ve Done
I was once in a three-way with one of my oldest friends and her boyfriend at the time. (She’s now married to another man, with 3 small kids.) There’s a good chance that she’s erased this memory from her mind. Myself, on the other hand, haven’t.
We were all drunk as hell and I was staying the night at their apartment. It just sort of happened, one minute I was using the bathroom and when I reentered the living room, the two of them were messing around on the couch.
Um, I said, maybe I should leave you two alone?
No, they said, come and join us.
I downed my drink (liquid courage) and cautiously made my way over to them.
Stuff happened. No actual sexual intercourse occurred. Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I wasn’t down for that. But I did kiss my female friend and touched her boobs a little, although it did nothing for me.
This reaffirmed that I am 100% straight and like penises.
They had an open relationship and I knew that fact. It was really only a matter of time before something like this happened.
I’d like to say that it was a one time deal. Fast forward about a year and I made out with her same boyfriend at a Halloween party in the kitchen. And yes, I was yet again inebriated and not using the intelligent part of my brain.
People walked into the kitchen, saw us fooling around and then walked right back out. My friend wasn’t even bothered in the slightest that I was getting slightly sexy with her man.
I’m still somewhat ashamed when I think back on it now.
I stopped drinking tequila shots, that stuff makes me loose like a long necked goose.
Once Bitten, Twice Ouch Man!
I like to be bitten on the neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, mind you, but enough that it makes me wince a little. Pain can sometimes feel good, kind of like the people who enjoy being spanked and whatnot, which is not my cup of tea.
I dated this guy and at one point I told him about this fantasy of mine.
Oh, like a vampire sort of thing, he asked me.
Sort of, I replied. I enjoyed Anne Rice novels back then and found them titillating, what can I say?
He took it a little too far and I ended up with these giant welts on my neck. Nips had turned into real bites, like he was trying to eat me up for a midnight snack or something.
This is the first time that I’ve shared my fetish with a large quantity of people until now.
Sweaty Sunday Afternoon
It was a blistering hot July day and I was visiting a guy that I had dated a few times at his not climate controlled apartment. It was so humid, that when we started to make out on his couch, within minutes we were both extremely sticky with sweat from our heads to our toes. It didn’t take long before clothing started flying and we were slip sliding all over the place.
His roommate, which just happened to be his twin brother, came home. I clearly recall hearing the door opening and I jumped up like my ass was on fire.
And in a way, it really was.
His brother looked positively delighted at the debauchery before him and he asked if he could join in.
Let’s take this to the bedroom, the still naked original brother said to me, imploringly.
By this time, I was already dressed, embarrassed, angry and wiping my sweaty fucking hair out of my eyes.
No thank you, I replied. I better be heading home now.
Exit, stage right.
I think that the two of them were in cahoots and had it planned from the start. Little did those asshats know that I wasn’t quite that freaky.
Stay tuned for Part 2 next Monday, when I share the freakiest shit that I’ve done for last. (That is if you don’t think less of me now and unfollow my blog.)